A huge smile while ecstatically biting into a massive falafel sandwich. That is one of the first images I have of Dr. Dominica McBride. Within 10 minutes she was offering to help me with my “Small Things Matter” research study and we were well on our way to an incredible friendship which just keeps getting better and better. Best friend, mentor, confidant, motivator, spiritual advisor/explorer and more, Dominica became the president of my board of directors at Small Things Matter. Now as of Monday I am the director of development for her incredible social justice nonprofit, The HELP Institute. If you read the Story of Help Part One and Two by Dominica and her HELP co-founder and CEO Steven Cofrancesco you will learn about the synchronicity of their meeting and creating HELP. That synchronicity carries on into everything they do, including bringing me on board to help expand their, or now I can say as I contribute my energy and ideas to HELP “our” unique model for a social justice organization. They both make me feel like a stakeholder in HELP, an “investor”, a partner not just an employee.

I feel like I have won the best two-for-one jackpot ever. Steven Cofrancesco has become an incredible friend and mentor to me. We have developed a deep and personal friendship which allows us, I think, to be completely open and honest in our business relationship as well as our personal one. I think I have learned more from Steven and Dominica so far than I did in my first two years in college. I am so excited to go from volunteer to employee, as I feel like I have graduated into the best “PhD” program one could find.

I have had an incredible journey from homelessness to…well, let’s just say amazing. You can read more about me in my bio here. I am unbelievably fortunate to work for an organization that I know is going to make a huge difference in the world. In fact HELP is well on its way already to changing the world. HELP’s emphasis on relationships and relationship-building at all levels, the genuine caring, concern, and love at HELP is truly inspirational. How often in business do we hope our employees love their job? It begins to sound almost disingenuous when you work at an organization whose foundation is built on love, relationships, compassion and social justice. I don’t love my job, I am in love with The HELP Institute. I feel privileged to work here, honored. I don’t just work here, I am a partner in fostering social change by building relationships with everyone I come in contact with. Real genuine relationships with people and organizations as passionate as we are to make a difference in the world.

We are HELP.

Holism: We believe in bolstering the physical, mental, economic, and social health of individuals and communities, as well as those who serve them.

Empowerment: We strive to help others help themselves, which leads to stronger individuals, organizations, and communities.

Leadership: Leadership can take many forms, from leading others to leading oneself; therefore, we work to help organizations and communities to lead themselves effectively.

Personhood: While we place great importance on communities, our focus on individuals is of equal importance. Therefore, both working as a team and encouraging a strong sense of personhood and individual expression is integral in our work.

I am of course you might say a bit biased in the matter but I truly believe that Dr. Dominica McBride and Steven Cofrancesco are two of the most amazing people I have ever met. They are committed to making social justice a priority in the world and working diligently to bring new ideas for social change to the table. They are changing the paradigm. I have never been so excited to do anything in my life. I am climbing on board an incredible engine of change, with two leaders that I am extremely proud to work with.

I will be blogging about the growth of the development department and our many opportunities for nonprofits in program evaluation, relationship building and beyond…

Come partner with us! Please feel free to contact me at: 1-(312) 278-3269

Revolution MacInnes
Director of Development
The H E L P Institute

Do you brush your teeth before you go to bed? Why or why not?

If you’re walking through a store and notice that the clerk left an expensive piece of jewelry on the counter by mistake, and no one is around, do you take it? Why or why not?

You might be surprised by the answers to these questions, because even though you might get the “correct” answer, they might not be correct for the right reason. For example, most people will say that they wouldn’t take the jewelry because even though no one is around there might be cameras; or that someone might be watching even though they can’t be seen; or that if they get caught they could go to jail. If you notice, each one of these answers is technically correct, i.e. that person wouldn’t take the jewelry. However, none of those answers are based on our basic and agreed-upon human value that it’s not proper to take something that doesn’t belong to us. So actually, all of those answers are incorrect. Therefore, it’s not what someone does that’s important, but why they do it (or do not do it).

If you walk into a room and see someone holding a bloody knife while standing over a bleeding, dead man, you might say that a murder has been committed. But after asking more questions about the situation, you learn that one man stabbed the other in order to defend himself or a family member. In this case, it’s not murder, but self-defense. The point is that we must question EVERYTHING in order to fully understand (in order to know the “why”) because only by fully understanding why someone has done something, or has not done something, can we accurately judge them and situations, and then make good decisions. We do this every day whether we realize it or not. Further, questioning everything is considered a component of effective critical thinking.

Yes, these examples are silly and oversimplified. But imagine applying this to your profession, a potential romantic partner, or a potential business partner… In each of these situations you can see that the reasons why someone does something, whether good or bad, is of significant interest to you. If my fiancé told me that she did not take that piece of jewelry because she could have gone to jail if she got caught, I might seriously reconsider marrying this person. Why? Because this means she bases her behavior (the things she does and the things she does not do) on whether she thinks she will get caught – talk about sleeping with one eye open!

So, by examining why someone does what they do, or does not do what they do not do (are you still with me?), you can judge (evaluate) whether someone bases their behavior on basic and accepted human values, and that’s how you make decisions of whether to become romantically involved with someone, or enter into a business partnership with them, for example. There are certain things that we intrinsically and intuitively know are wrong, such as stealing and lying (this theory even covers those who would steal because they are hungry, i.e. stealing is acceptable when survival is at stake… but you still have to ask why they did it in order to learn that it was for survival), and from that knowledge, you can make the best decision for yourself, your family, your organization, your career, etc.

However, of all of this sounds a lot easier than it actually is, because sometimes learning the actual “why” can require asking many precise, accurate questions before you fully understand why. This is part of what we do in evaluation. This takes patience and a sincere desire to arrive at the truth, especially if the truth is something you weren’t expecting or do not want to hear. Regardless, remembering this simple phrase, “Why you do something is more important than what you do,” is a simple way to guide evaluative thinking that we use every day, in all situations. So the next time someone does something that seems to be very good or very bad, don’t accept it at face value… question it… learn WHY they did it, and then make your decision.

What are principles?

Principles are basically rules or beliefs that guide our behavior. We may not know that we have a set of principles, but we do.

For some people it’s obvious, such as those who are religious. In the catholic religion, the 10 commandments might be considered principles on which people base their behavior; for example: thou shall not kill; thou shall not steal; thou shall not commit adultery; etc.

Even if you think you have no principles, you actually have principles that you are unaware of. However, when you don’t know what your principles are, you usually engage in random, rationalized thoughts as the basis of your behavior. Rationalizing (making excuses) is finding any part of an argument that supports your opinion or behavior even though it really does not support your position at all. This is an easy way to get whatever you want while running over people in the process of getting it. This is dangerous because virtually any behavior or thought can be supported through rationalization. For example, stealing can be rationalized with thoughts such as: “I only did it once,” or “it only cost a few dollars, so what’s the big deal.” But, if NOT STEALING is one of your principles, then why does it matter if you did it only once, or if the item you stole was inexpensive? Stealing is stealing, and no amount of rationalizing can change that. Of course, some people steal because they are hungry or because of other emergency-type situations, but we’re not talking about those rare occasions.

One of my principles is that all people should be interacted with and treated equally; this means without bias, stereotyping, or ethnocentrism (our natural tendency to think that our race, ethnicity, or group is superior to others). Why do I believe this? Because if we look beyond physical features, cultural behaviors and traditions, and religious beliefs, we are all intrinsically the same – we all have a heart and a soul, and we all have exactly the same basic needs and desires: a decent place to live; healthy food; the love of our mother and father; romantic love; a decent job; etc. Therefore, my behavior and decisions when interacting with various types of people is not based on, or influenced by, bias, stereotyping, or ethnocentrism, but rather by the situation at hand. For example, when in the grocery store I will often steer my cart out of the way of an elderly man or woman so that they can pass more easily. This is because I believe elderly people should be treated with an exceptional amount of courtesy and respect (another one of my principles). But do I do this only for elderly white people because I am white? Only for elderly Italian people because I am Italian? Or do I do this for ALL elderly people? Another example is opening doors for girls/women, which I just realized, at this moment, is another principle of mine, i.e. to be a gentleman. But do I do this for all girls/women, or only for those that are attractive to me? What about black women? Asian women? Overweight women?

These simple examples show us that we can be more consistent in our behavior and interactions with other people, which has many benefits. For example, if you know what your principles are and you adhere to them consistently, people in your life can better understand you and your behavior because they know what to expect (as opposed to if you rationalize just to get what you want which means erratic or inconsistent behavior). They SEE who you are by your patterns of behavior. Therefore, your relationships will be stronger, and you might even find people wanting to be friends (or more) with you. You may even find more success in life and a greater sense of purpose.

Of course, this is easier said than done. I must often regulate my own behavior with others because of cultural beliefs ingrained in me since childhood. For example, even though I thoroughly enjoy time spent with black people (I like the black culture very much), there are times when I have negative thoughts towards black people. This is baffling to me because one of my goals in life, and one of the reasons that I cofounded The HELP Institute, is to achieve social justice (also see the previous blog by Dr. McBride on the subconscious mind). I still remember my grandmother, who came to America in the very early 1900s, watching TV and saying, in her Italian accent, “why do they got them god damn niggers on the television?!” So, living a principled life is not easy due to all our experiences and subconscious beliefs. In fact, it’s quite challenging. But the rewards are amazing. I have had so many fantastic interactions with so many different types of people that have enriched my life and given me a better understanding of people and life in general. After all, if we remove society, meaning beautiful cars, fantastic products, and services that make our life easier, what’s left? People. Relationships. That’s really the only thing we have. Getting in touch with our specific principles guides our behavior and decision-making, making us more stable and consistent. In this way, there is no rationalizing or excuse-making, which means our decision making is much improved, and better decisions leads to many other benefits, including relationship benefits and even career benefits. For example, because adhering to principles requires effort and practice, we might say it is a learned skill. Thought of in this way, once you learn this skill you can apply it to other areas such as working towards the mission of your organization; you would adhere to the mission just like you adhere to one of your principles. Imagine if you are able to help more people because of this skill? Imagine if you are recognized because of your efforts and successes, and receive promotions because of it?

I’m interested to know your principles. What are they? Can you make a list of them? Have you ever considered how well, or poorly, you adhere to your principles? If you feel comfortable, please reply and tell me what you think about all of this. Your thoughts might even help others to get in touch with their principals.

As only the tip of a glacier can be seen above the surface, only about 10% of our mind – the conscious part – is seen by us and affects our actions. The other 90% is where the truth, power, and root of insecurity and weakness lie. However, that 90% is rarely seen or heard when we are making decisions or taking action. It is disguised in our actions and manifest in our habits, only to be seen with a keen and observing eye (the “third eye” at times). At a workshop I attended this weekend, they gave the metaphor of a man riding an elephant. Of course, the man is not controlling the elephant. The elephant is massive and powerful, making its own decisions and guiding the way. Such is the subconscious mind. It sneakily guides and fuels our actions, often unbeknownst to us. The facilitator of this workshop described various scientific studies proving this fact. From 70 year old men reversing the “effects of age”, like lowered blood pressure and decreasing arthritic symptoms, simply due to a shift in mindset and context to women losing weight doing the same thing they always did but with one small difference – they were told that what they did was being active or working out (their awareness increased) – these studies evidenced the power of the subconscious mind. Placebo is yet another indicator of that power – that a simple sugar pill mixed with some psychological belief that this external “medicine” will heal actually leads to healing. The facilitator went on to give additional examples of how external, social or physical reinforcement can affect preference in people or art.

Now, this is where it gets even more interesting and relevant for me personally. As a Black woman growing up in a small, rural, majority Caucasian town, I experienced racism; I experienced a sense of inherent inferiority, living in a context where Black is devalued. The brain is wired to create associations and neural connections with repetition and experience. Thus, if one sees two things associated over and over, it becomes a part of their physical brains and, therefore, an automatic feeling or reaction, often times un- or subconscious. The 2005 replication of the doll study by Kiri Davis, where 15 out of the 21 African American children preferred the White doll over the Black doll, showed how racism continues to affect Black people in this nation. Black = crime, violence, the hood, poverty, darkness… If most people were to pay attention to their own heartbeat or were able to listen to the subtle yet powerful thoughts in their subconscious mind, they may feel the fear when passing a group of young black men in baggy pants and large shirts. They may see the associations and stereotypes made by the media or others in society and just how much it is ingrained in their own minds and bodies.

How does this relate to what HELP does, you might ask? In our evaluation and all other work we do, we strive to be culturally competent, compassionate, conscious, moving towards social justice, and relationship-oriented. With all of these attributes, one must be aware of the underlying thoughts and feelings that guide our behavior with one another and in our work. To be culturally competent – where you are able to effectively and compassionately interact with another of a different culture (which is really everyone else in this world outside of yourself) – one must first be aware of the thoughts and feelings associated with the other that affect the interaction with that person. Malcolm Gladwell’s book, Blink, talks about how a simple lean forward or lean back in relation to another can have an impact on that interaction and how the other feels. This “subtle” move can impact the other’s subconscious and they feel the aversion, like crossing the street when one sees that group of young Black men. Hence, the relationship is affected, whether each of you know it or not. To help another “see” inside of themselves may help to overcome these misguided undercurrents and lead to more compassion and, thus, better and realer relationships and, eventually, social justice and harmony. So, in short, it’s not only edifying for us to examine the elephant, to chisel into that 90% of our own glacier, but also it can lead to a world where we have manifested the “beloved community” and true humanity.

From Steven Cofrancesco’s perspective….

Although Dr. McBride always knew The HELP Institute (HELP) was her dream, I was not aware that it was always my dream, even though it was. Apparently, I needed to experience many different things before gaining that awareness. I was originally interested in entrepreneurialism, but after serving in the U.S. Peace Corps in the former Soviet Union I became more interested in social issues; I think this awareness was actually the beginning of HELP even though it didn’t occur until many years later. Of course we have poverty in the U.S., but it’s not as ubiquitous as in developing nations. In Turkmenistan (a former Soviet Republic), most women have one dress and one pair of shoes that they wear every day. The same for men, i.e. one shirt, one pair of slacks, and one pair of shoes that they wear every day. Only a small number of people have cars and can eat at restaurants. In fact, most people cannot afford things like apples and meats, and bananas are simply out of the question. Since the Peace Corps gave me the same salary as Turkmen citizens (about $40 per month), I had the pleasure of “experiencing” those issues – as you might expect, this experience was life altering.

A significant stage on my path to HELP was the completion of a master’s degree in public administration with a concentration on community development. This developed my interest in helping those people and communities who experience disparate conditions and treatment in America. We don’t often see it this way, but it is actually well known that the way we build and maintain communities significantly affects the people who live there, including social and psychological issues as well as economic ones.

During my master’s program I was exposed to program evaluation and immediately fell in love with it. However, I continued pursuing community development, and more specifically, economic development. But, eventually I could not deny that I loved program evaluation and its abilities to improve communities and people’s lives. It was clear at that point that I needed a PhD in order to do what I wanted to do, which is what I am doing now. Interestingly, not long after my decision to do a PhD, I attended an evaluation seminar where I met Dr. McBride. It was clear from our initial discussion that we shared many visions and values, and after just a few minutes of talking I asked if she would like to consider opening a consulting firm together. I don’t know where that question came from, because I didn’t even know her, but something felt so right that there was no hesitation or apprehension… That’s how The HELP Institute was founded.

From Dr. McBride’s perspective….

At the age of 15, my purpose rose to my conscious mind: to help people. As sure as the heart beating, I knew that helping is what I was born to do. Since my childhood, I could feel people – their pain and plight, their joy and desire, and, better yet, they’d overtly share these feelings and experiences with me too. This exchange was healing for both of us. This undercurrent of empathy and trust drove me to want more – more relationship, more healing for everyone, more help. “Seeing” the inner experience of others also illuminated the needs and desires of humanity and possible solutions to the problem – true love, balanced perspective, seeing people for their beauty and areas in need of growth, accepting them for both, and compassionately listening and responding in action. For most of my life, helping others has been a necessity, not a choice – a drive like hunger.

At 15, I made the choice to eventually go to Michigan State University to obtain my bachelors in
Psychology (an obvious fit for cultivating this type of relationship with others), get my
PhD in Psychology from a university in another state, become a doctor, and do my part to change the world. And this is what happened. Fortunately, I encountered some critical teaching moments along the way that have shaped my purpose. At 19, I went on an alternative spring break in Chicago and met a woman who ran a nonprofit organization that helped those in need – from youth to seniors. This was the first time I saw a real- life picture of how one person can impact so many people, how working on a community level can also bring empathy-in-action to scale, how one initiative can live beyond the person to shape generations to come. Years went by, graduation from MSU came and went, and in 2005, I went to Tanzania to do HIV prevention work. There, I conducted an evaluation of an HIV prevention program and found there was no difference in risky behavior after the program. With enhancements in the program, the organization I worked with was able to move towards making real change in the communities, actually saving lives instead of thinking they were when they really were not. This was my first real taste of the potential of program evaluation to make real change and move towards social justice and community empowerment.

A couple more years went by, I completed my doctoral internship, and the same month I returned to Arizona to graduate from ASU, I met Mr. Cofrancesco, HELP’s Co-Founder, at an evaluation meeting (this was the only AZ evaluation meeting I had attended). Within the first 10 minutes of our meeting, we learned of our common values – the mission of HELP. In the Peace Corps in Turkmenistan, Mr. Cofrancesco experienced abject poverty on a community-wide scale. He overcame his own poverty and a difficult childhood, started a business at 18 and experienced the potential of entrepreneurship. His personal dream is to help people in need, because he believes every person is extremely talented and worthy of achieving self-actualization. With a background in business, economic and community development, and strategic management, mine in psychology, holistic wellbeing, and cultural competence, and our shared focus on program evaluation and community empowerment, our partnership is a manifestation of complimentarity. In that first meeting, we saw both of our purposes taking more shape and our dreams coming true. Due to our shared passion, complimentarity, and commitment to our mission, we have been able to form a strong bond and build The HELP Institute.

I look back on the sequence of events and seeming predictability of it all and I wonder
if this journey is one of serendipity – a lucky accident or synchronicity – when things
come together perfectly as if by magic. I have an inkling that it’s synchronic and purpose- driven, that there is meaning and purpose in our work and our drive. Regardless if this is a story of serendipity or synchronicity, our purpose is the same – to help, to amplify impact, and to do our part in making a world where all people are empowered and, therefore, realize social equality, self actualization, and optimal living.

Read “The Story of HELP, Part Two”

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